Saturday, 10 October 2015

Tick, tick, tickedy tick

Good news. I am now on the second day of my meal plan. It is a roaring success. That's not to say it's not hard to do - it is. The most difficult thing is resisting the temptation to restrict the food. My head automatically tries to shave off calories, and I have to stop myself from doing that every step of the way. The second hardest thing is resisting the urge to vomit, or binge then vomit. I am eating just enough to keep this particular monster at bay. I do not want to cock it up! All the hope I have of getting rid of my eating disorder is resting on this meal plan (Note to self, just in case: If you have stuffed up, that's OK, people do, just pick it up again the next day.)

I have now drawn up a plan for a full week. That in itself is a major feat - I didn't expect I'd actually do it.

The whole venture is surprising. I surprised at the amount of food I am supposedly allowed to consume. Just when I start to get hungry, I look at the clock, and what do you know? It's time for a snack! And not even a miserable one - it's, like, proper food. It takes the edge off my hunger and keeps my energy up. I'd conveniently forgotten that crucial piece of information: we eat food to fuel our bodies. It keeps us going.

I get it now...!

Something else I hadn't expected - mentally I feel so freaking good. I've got it firmly in my head: I am taking care of myself. It's okay to do that. I can take up more space if I need to (which I do). I'm even ready for the 'You look well' comments. I will say "THANK YOU" and understand it is good, because I am taking care of myself and my efforts are being acknowledged.

WOW. What a turn around.


xx

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